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Walking by the jewelry store |
Judi was walking by the jewelry store one day in the midtown mall. She saw a diamond bracelet that she really liked. In the store she went.
“Excuse me,” she said to the sales lady behind the counter, “Will a small deposit
hold that bracelet until my husband does something unforgivable?” |
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$100 bill |
I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and
after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!"
Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am. We can't accept anything larger than a fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy.
"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned.
"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it." |
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Exchange |
| The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit -- may I exchange it? |
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Shopping for a dress |
A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking
it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about
everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, “My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you
bother?” |
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BTUs |
Somewhere around 60 years ago, according to Zeddie Gillenwater of Sumerco, a woman sold her tobacco crop and, with a stack of bills in her hand, headed off to the store to buy a good, wood-burning stove.
"We have several different makes and sizes," the clerk said. "About what BTU did you have in mind?"
"B-T-U?"
"Yes, ma'am. That's a unit of measure, a way to measure heat."
"Well, I don't know nothin' about B-T-U. All I want is a stove big enough to heat a B-U-T as big as a T-U-B." |
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Convenience Store |
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small note-books?"
"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."
The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"
"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"
The manager shrugs, "Sorry."
"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.
"Nope. Don't have that."
"Wow!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the stupid store!"
The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key." |
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Sweatshirt or a windbreaker |
A girl says to a salesman, “I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker.”
He says, “Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?”
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Shopping Methodology |
| In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again." |
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Shoplifter |
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.
After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items." |
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Buying Bricks |
A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks.
"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.
"It's going to be a barbecue."
"Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue."
"Not really. You see, I live on the 12th floor." |
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