Running U.S. appliances on British current.

Runs squares around the competition.

Rusty springs in the mousetrap.

S p a c e d o u t .

Sailboat fuel for brains.

Sat under the ozone hole too long.

Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong.

Serving donuts on another planet.

Settled some during shipping and handling.

Seven seconds behind, and built to stay that way.

Several nuts over fruitcake minimum.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Sharp, like stone in river. Swift, like tree through forest.

She only packed half a sandwich.

She only schedules zombie processes.

Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.

Monorail doesn’t go all the way to Tomorrowland.

Mooring lines don’t reach the dock.

More marbles in a spray-paint can than brains in his head.

Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.

Moves his lips to pretend he’s reading.

Must have ignored a knock-down pitch.

Nearly on a higher plane, but lost his boarding pass.

Needs another brain to make half-wit.

Needs both hands to wipe his behind.

Needs front end alignment.

Needs his disk checked/reformatted.

Needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so they can be tied in the back.

Network constantly loses packets.

Neurons are firing non-sequentially.

A brief synopsis… When you’re at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

——————————————————————————–

Ugly as a warthog and half as smart.

Unclear which of Newton’s three laws of motion keeps his ears apart.

Understands English as well as any parrot.

Used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Useful as a chocolate teapot.

Useful as a football bat.

Useful as a hip pocket on a T-shirt.

Useful as a kickstand on a horse.

Useful as a mint-flavored suppository.

Useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Useful as dinosaur repellent.

Useful as tits on a bullfrog / bull / boar-hog.

Uses all three functional neurons for his best work.

Uses his head best for rolling Easter eggs.

Uses his head to keep the rain out of his neck.

I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

I hear you are connected to the Police Department — by a pair of handcuffs.

Hello — tall, dark and obnoxious!

You remind me of the ocean — you make me sick.

You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it’s hard to believe thatmany people are to blame for producing you.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It’s for people who are dead from the neck up.

After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.

I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!

All wax and no wick.

Alphabetizes junk mail / T-shirts / canonical lists.

Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.

Always loses battles of wits because he’s unarmed.

Always needs to have jokes explained.

Always sharpening his sleeping skills.

An 8080 in a 68000 environment.

An alligator. (All mouth, no ears.)

An Apple //e on UUCP.

An early example of the Peter Principle.

An ego like a black hole.

An example of how the dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut sized brains.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese.

An inch short and a stroke early.

Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.

You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it.

Hey, act your age — senile!

I’ve had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You’re the best at all you do — and all you do is make people hate you.

In the dictionary under the word, “stupid,” it says, “see him.”

We know you could not live without us. We’ll pay for the funeral.

We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.

Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn’t be listed under accidents.

She wears a pony tail to cover up the valve stem.

She worries about the calories licking stamps and envelopes.

She’s a screensaver: Looks good, but useless.

Short a few cards.

Short-circuited between the earphones.

Should be the poster child for family planning.

Should have kept his helmet on while riding / playing.

Single-sided, low density.

Sitting in the right pew, but the wrong church.

Skating on the wrong side of the ice.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slept too close to his radium-dial watch.

Slinky’s kinked.

Sloppy as a soup sandwich.

Slow as molasses in January.

A brief synopsis… When you’re at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.

——————————————————————————–

Spent a decade on the leading edge of drug experimentation.

Still boots to DOS.

Still sending messages with his secret decoder ring.

Still traumatized from the forest fire in “Bambi”.

Stocksy-babes. (A truly vile British-slang insult.)

Strong, like bull. Smart, like tractor. Beautiful, like KV-2. (A WWII era Russian tank.)

Stuck on the down escalator of life.

Stumped by anything child-proof.

Subtle as a well-thrown brick.

Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder.

Supports nativist theories that man is formed from clay.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Switch is on, but no one’s receiving.

Takes her 1.5 hours to watch “60 Minutes”.

Takes her an hour to cook minute rice.